Carta para Edna

Primero que nada quiero pedirte disculpas por haber sido siempre tan cobarde y conformista. Yo se que me perdonas, ahora es el momento de olvidarnos del pasado, vivir hoy y sembrar para mañana. Sabes que donde estas ahora mismo vas a seguir estancada. No te ha tomado 11 años darte cuenta que de aqui no vamos pa' ningun otro lugar, sólo para atrás. Ya eso lo sabiamos, sólo que por el miedo no hemos hecho nada.

Ya los almuerzos de quejas cansan. Porque nos oimos bien rebeldes para en 10 minutos más tarde llegar con la cabeza abajo y a seguir dándole vuelta a la rueda. Antes podías decir, "pero es que es como si fuera mi familia". Pero muy bien sabemos que eso hace tiempo no es así. Cada vez te sientes más aislada, más olvidada y tomada por desapercibida.

Si seguimos esperando un plan, una salida o hasta una botada para que nos va a servir. Sí, la situación en casa no es la mejor, no tienes mucho apoyo económico en casa....pero tu le tienes ganas. Tu tienes el talento y la capacidad para salir adelante. Just do it. Por qué esperas? Esperar no te ha llevado a nada.

Brinquemos tomadas de la mano tu yo...porque no hay nadie más...sólo tu y yo debemos hacerlo.


I'm my own savior!

El C@$%*n de closet

Hoy una amiga dijo una frase que me dejó con la boca abierta por lo brillante del comentario.

"...él es un cabrón de closet..."

Y es que todos nos topamos con este ser. Yo me he encontrado con tantos ya que hasta me asusta la idea. Aquí tenemos a una persona que por encimita piensas "Mira fulanito es muy buena persona, se ve lo más decente él." Pero para y observa. Cómo es este fulano con su prójimo? Porque es bien fácil ser nice con los panas, pero y el desconocido? Yo he estado en la presencia de seres negros de corazón que hablan de sus hijos con la ternura de un cordero y si un deambulante les pide chavos, aceleran el carro para no mirarlos o con voz de endemoniado le dice "NO TENGO!"

Yo sé... los deambulantes pueden ser annoying. Pero es una persona, un hijo, un primo, un hermano... cualquiera puede terminar así. Que se va a meter las peseta que le diste en drogas? Maybe. Pero eso no es problema tuyo. El problema tuyo es aceptar que esta persona puede ser un familiar tuyo. No vires los ojos porque de mejores familias los he visto caer. Yo no siempre doy dinero. No soy rica pero los miro a los ojos y les digo bajito "ay pa no tengo...pa' la próxima." En la luz de camino a mi trabajo a travéz de los años se han parado diferentes dudes. Unos han logrado ir a limpiarse, otros no han corrido la misma suerte. Pero hasta ahora casi todos, cuando me ven pasar; me hacen el gesto de saludo con la cabeza, me echan la bendición, me dicen sus nombres o me dicen que las gomas de mi carro estan bajitas. El cabrón de closet me saluda también, pero si me duermo me clava el cuchillo en la espalda y me dice bien concern "Ay bendito...estás bien?"

Getting my booty and mojo back.

After a talk with my best friend, we decided (again) that we are going to DO this. Lose the weight for ourselves. I don't feel like me. I'm lost. Until not too long ago I had no desire... nothing moved me. Is like I'm on hold. There's always an excuse, this time it is that my mom is sick. Does that give me permission to stuff my face with chocolate? Apparently that's what I thought. I have catch myself eating a piece of chocolate and not savoring it. Just chew ans swallow. What the fuck?! Chocolate is a pleasure...you melt it slowly in your mouth. Mindless eating....oh lord what I'm doing? I don't go out, I don't feel like dressing up nor doing my makeup. Why? My clothes doesn't fit right. I need to stop being so lazy and move my ass...clean the house, throw away all the excess of junk that is around the house, exercise and eat right. I'm not going to stop eating chocolate but I will savor a small morsel instead of a barrel.

Here's the thing I need to loss weight, but I'm not aiming to be skinny, hell no! I want to be around the weight I had when I was in college. During that time I was sexy, was very aware of my sensuality and strode with confidence. I loved dancing during those years. I seduced men dancing. Now I wouldn't even try it. I need to get that girl back, I miss her. The best part is that now she's a little more mature.

Let the trip begin...again.

Blooper

As a newbie in Google+ I deleted all the pictures I had posted here in my blog. Completely! :( My bad. There's no turning back and is really hard for me to remember what I had posted. So I guess this could be a clean slate to start again posting about the diet (what diet? really!) and the OTHER stuff.

Well I have been off this blog since last year. My mom is still sick. "She's stable..." That's what I said when people asks. She's alive, she's almost blind and have problem walking. We have to watch that she eats healthy low in sodium, low in potassium and low in sugar. Not freaking easy because she's not too fond on vegetables and she could win in a picky eater contest. Oh also her intake in water has to be a minimum. In these heat and taking many meds that leaves her mouth dry. Yeeesh! Anyway. I promise I'll post and draw more.

After all we have been through this year I decided that I was going to celebrate no matter what and my closest friends agreed. So we decided, what the fuck let's have a party! I can't afford to throw it but everybody is pitching in!

I have to admit I am nervous, but is because I want to invite a certain someone to the party and I am gathering all my courage for that. I just send him a text and I'm waiting for him to answer. Agh! Wish me luck!

the kindness of strangers

Here I was standing in a really long line at the post office. I was late for work but I HAD to send a package. I was not complaining, there were only two lines and my line was stuck because the computer kept freezing on the clerk. Sometimes I think I'm the only person who's still nice and considerate toward others. So I was really surprise by the following. I am next in the stuck line, some people have left because the post office got really crazy, the other line is way too long and the clerk is still waiting for the computer to react. She said looking at me that we have to move to the other line so I do. I go from being the first in line to be the last one. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. But I still manage to smile and sigh in defeat. The woman before me start talking to me and I engage in small talk with her. There we noticed that my line is finally working. I said "are you kidding me? I just moved!!!" She told me "don't worry if it still work, the next person in line is my son, I will tell him to let you pass." And she did. I left the post office with new hope in humanity and a smile on my face. That was very kind and fair of her. I thanks her with all my heart and hope she have a pretty cool Christmas!

She have no idea how happy she made me. :)

Things I discovered abut me today

1. I can be very naive and innocent. That's what a new friend told me after he made me some weird questions. Which I am not going to repeat because I'm still digesting the convo.

2. I am too honest for my own good. Today I scratched a car with my SUV's bumper. Right in front of the rent-a-cop of the mall. So I parked, checked the minimal damage I did. By the way the car was illegally parked. And I took out my business car and gave it to the "cop". He told me aren't you going to leave them a note? I told him no and he said but what if they come back on a hurry and they don't notice the scratch. I told him the destiny is making me a favor. I told him this year has been a nightmare for me that if destiny would led pass this I would really appreciated. I am very sorry. It was a total accident, if the person does notice and the "cop" gave him/her my card then I will deal with it courteous. But I really don't have the time or the strength to deal with that. Besides my car has a few dents done by other people on other parking lots where I was legally parked. I could have given the cop a false name and number but I didn't. So Please God, if you are reading this PLEASE let the person let it be! Thank you!

3. I believe in miracles. I'm still praying that no one is going to call me about the scratched car. I believe I will found love. I believe my mom is going to be ok.

4. I can make a paper snowflake. I have never done one until today. :)

5. I haven't lose hope. :)